Vacation
by Shady Spiral
Summary: AU. Anakin and Padme are badly in need of a vacation! So Padme finds a secluded little planet called Earth! Will Ani and Padme get the rest and relaxation they need? Probably not! Ch 7 up!
1. I Need A Vacation!

**This is my first attempt at Star Wars fics and my first attempt at humor. Its AU where everyone knows about Padme and Anakin and the twins are three years old. Yes, I know its stupid. Its supposed to be. Enjoy!**

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"I need a vacation!" Padme and Anakin groaned in unison.

Someone important was on the holotransmitter, waiting not-so-patiently for Padme, Anakin was late for a meeting with the Council, and Luke and Leia were crying for some breakfast.

_"I'm huuuuuuuuuungry!" _Luke said in one long, continuous whine.

"Luke is a very whiny child," commented Obi-Wan, who was waiting for Anakin. They were going to fly to the meeting together. Anakin glared at him in reply, throwing a piece of toast to Leia.

"I don't like butter on my toast!" Leia yelled.

_"I'm huuuuuuuuuungry!" _

"A vacation sounds good," Padme sighed.

"Yeah," Anakin agreed mournfully.

"So why don't we take one?"

"What?"

"A vacation! Why don't we take a vacation?"

"I don't know. I didn't think Jedi were allowed to take vacations. Are they, Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked.

"Well, I never heard that they couldn't..." Obi-Wan said.

"I'll address it in the council meeting today," said Anakin, "Just you and me Padme...No responsibilities..."

"Sounds great!" said Padme.

That night, Padme came into the apartment, laden with travel brochures.

"What did the Council say about our vacation?" she asked Anakin excitedly.

"They said the same thing Obi-Wan did," said Anakin.

"Good! I have these brochures...And I found the perfect little planet! It's called Earth," said Padme.

"Earth, huh?"

"Yeah. They aren't very technologically advanced. In fact, they just recently figured out how to travel to their own moon!" said Padme.

"That's pretty pathetic," said Anakin.

"Yeah, it is," Padme agreed, "But not many people go there. It'll be a rustic expierence. Just you and me," said Padme.

"Sounds great!" said Anakin dreamily.

"It's in a galaxy called the Milky Way. It's pretty far away. In fact, I think you would say that the galaxy is far, far away," Padme said.

"So now all we have to do is find a baby-sitter for Luke and Leia!"

**Short little introduction chappie...Next chapter: The Hunt for a Baby-Sitter! **


	2. The Hunt for a BabySitter

The logical choice for a baby-sitter for Luke and Leia was Obi-Wan. So that's who Anakin asked first.

"Baby-sit for Luke and Leia?" Obi-Wan asked, his face registering something pretty close to horror. He remembered the last time he baby-sat for the Skywalker twins...He still had nightmares of endless piggy-back rides for Leia and being the practice lightsaber target for Luke.

"I can't babysit the twins," said Obi-Wan.

"Why not?" asked Anakin.

"Um...Its not in my mandate!"

"You don't need a mandate to babysit my kids!" Anakin protested.

"You never can be too careful!" said Obi-Wan.

"Fine!"

_Yoda_

"Yoda, can you babysit for Luke and Leia?" Anakin asked.

Yoda was a bit better at concealing his horror. The last time he had watched the twins, Leia had made him put on a dress and put make-up on him...It took him weeks to wash out that lipstick.

"Babysit for the twins, I cannot. Terribly regretful, I am," said Yoda.

"Why not?"

"Very sick, my father is. Care for him, I must," Yoda said.

"Oh. Well, yes, I suppose that's a good reason. Maybe next time," said Anakin.

"I sure hope not," Yoda muttered as Anakin left the room, secretely proud of himself for coming up with such a good excuse so fast.

"What did Yoda say?" Padme asked Anakin.

"His father's sick. He has to take care of him...Wait a minute! Yoda's like 900 years old! How old is his father?" Anakin said.

"Who else is there to ask?" said Padme, "What about Mace Windu?"

"That's a good idea. I'll ask him...," Anakin said.

_Mace Windu _

"Uh...sorry, Anakin. I have to...polish my head!" said Mace, remembering Luke and Leia's ceaseless nickname for him: Baldy.

"Polish your head?"

"Yeah! How else do you think it gets this shiny?"

"I never really thought about it...But how long can that take?"

"Long. Very long. Believe me!"

Anakin and Padme were stumped. They sat at the table, brainstorming.

"How about Palpitine? We used to be such good friends...," Anakin said.

"Ani, no! He'll try to turn them to the Dark Side!" Padme reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," said Anakin, "He does have the tendency to do that...How about Jar-Jar?"

"Jar-Jar?" Padme said doubtfully.

"Hey, I'm desperate!" said Anakin.

_Jar-Jar_

"Uh...meesa no can do, Ani. Meesa too busy. Meesa sorry," said Jar-Jar.

"You're too busy? What do you ever do?"

"Uh...Meesa must uhh, go swimming and--and, meesa uhhhhh..."

"Dude, are you really going to trust this guy with your kids?" asked a random person on the street.

"Good point," said Anakin, "Maybe next time!"

"Whew!" said Jar-Jar.

"How about Owen and, oh, whats-her-name..." Anakin started.

"Beru?" provided Padme.

"That's the one! We'll just swing by Tatooine on the way to Earth and drop them off with Owen and Beru!" said Anakin.

"All right," said Padme.

"Luke, Leia!" called Anakin.

The twins ran into the room and skidded to a halt in front of Anakin.

"Kids, how would you like to stay with your Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru?" Anakin asked them.

"We have an Uncle Beru and Aunt Owen?" Leia asked, wide-eyed.

"No, dear, its Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru," Anakin corrected.

"I thought our only uncle was Uncle Obi!" said Luke.

"Uncle Obi isn't your _actual _uncle, Luke," said Anakin, "But then again, neither is Owen. But Owen is more of your uncle than Obi-Wan is."

"Daddy's babbling again," commented Leia.

"Anyway, your going to stay with Uncle Beru and Aunt Owen. I mean, Aunt Owen and Uncle Beru. I mean, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru!" Anakin said.

They were off early the next morning, relaxed in their luxary cruiser. After a long trip to Tatooine, they made their way to Anakin's old home.

"Hello, Owen," Anakin said.

"This is Aunt Owen?" asked Luke.

"She doesn't look much like an aunt...Or even a 'she'," said Leia.

"This is your _Uncle Owen," _said Padme.

"We were hoping you could watch Luke and Leia for us while we go on vacation on Earth," Anakin said.

"Sure. We love children, don't we, Beru?" Owen called to his wife.

"Of course we do! How about some warm blue milk?" called Beru.

"Yummy!" the twins chorused.

"We'll make a farmer out of you yet," said Owen, clapping Luke on the back.

"I don't want to be a farmer!" Luke protested.

"Tell them what you want to be, Luke," Anakin said proudly.

"A pod racer!"

"No, besides that! Remeber what I told you..." Anakin prodded.

"I want to be a Jedi, like my father before me!" Luke recited.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Owen said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Anakin asked.

"Nothing. It means nothing," Owen said quickly.

"I don't like your tone!" said Anakin, "Come on Luke, Leia. Your not staying with them!"

"Ani," groaned Padme.

They set off back across the desert planet.

"I hate sand," Anakin muttered, kicking a big pile of sand.

"Now what are we going to do with Luke and Leia?" asked Padme.

"I guess they'll have to come with us!" said Anakin.

"There goes my rest and relaxation. And our alone time, Anakin," Padme groaned.


	3. Destination: Earth?

**Sorry this took so long. I've been on Spring Break and, believe it or not, I actually have less time on the computer. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

"Anakin, why do you insist on alienating everyone who wants to help us?" Padme groaned once Anakin had gotten the ship successfully into hyperspeed.

"I didn't like his tone," Anakin insisted.

"But what happened to rest? Relaxation? Alone time? As in, no-kids time?"

"I'm sure we'll still get the rest and relaxation we need," Anakin assured her. Just then, a loud banging sound came from the twins' quarters, followed by a scream. Padme jumped up and ran into the room.

"So much for quiet," Anakin murmered.

Padme came back, dragging Luke and Leia behind her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, seeing Luke crying.

"Oh, nothing much," Padme said sarcastically, "Only, they were jumping on the bed and Leia got the idea to push Luke off."

"Why did you do that, Leia?" Anakin asked sternly.

"I don't know."

"Well, it wasn't nice!" Luke insisted, lightly slapping his sister.

"That wasn't nice either," Leia shrieked, hurling herself at her brother. They wrestled on the floor until Anakin pulled Leia off her brother by the back of her tunic.

"Rest and relaxation," Padme commented, "Right."

* * *

"We're approaching Earth's starsystem," Anakin commented, "It must be this planet over here. I'm picking up life-readings, and Earth is the only inhabited planet in its system."

They came out of lightspeed as the ship approached the planet's gravity field.

"This doesn't look like Earth," Padme frowned, looking at the rusty-red planet, "Earth is supposed to be made up of mostly oceans. And its green, not red."

"But I'm picking up lifeforms!" Anakin insisted.

"All right," Padme said.

The ship touched ground, and they prepared to exit the ship. Anakin had Luke by the hand, and Padme had Leia.

"Greetings, intergalactic travelors!" said a nasaly voice as they stepped off the ship. They were surprised to see a humanoid, but certainly not human, with green skin and bulging black eyes.

"I thought humans lived on Earth!" muttered Anakin.

"You are not on Earth," the alien informed him.

"Where are we, then?"

"You are on Mars," he said.

"Mars?" Padme burst out, "But I thought only Earth was inhabited!"

"Shh--that's what _they _think," said the alien.

"They?" asked Anakin.

"The Earthlings," he chuckled, "They think they're the only ones around!"

"You mean they haven't even probed the planets around them?" Anakin asked.

"Oh, they've sent out probes. Just not very good probes. Its easy to send them a loop of barren wasteland!" he said.

"Why does it matter if the Earthlings know you're here?"

"Oh, it doesn't, really," the alien shrugged, "We just like messing with them! There are beings on Pluto and Saturn as well, plus colonies on Jupiter and Mercury."

"I see," Anakin said.

"Would you like to tour our vacinities?" the alien asked politely.

"No thank you," Padme assured him, "We'll just be on our way to Earth."

"Earth is the third planet from the sun," the alien informed them, "You're on the fourth."

"Thanks," Anakin said as they stepped back on their ship.

Padme glared at him.

"I told you it didn't look right," she said.

"But I was picking up--It was only natural to assume that--" Anakin tried to cover up, but then sighed.

"You were right," he muttered.

"What?"

"You were right."

"What?"

"YOU WERE RIGHT!"

"Thank you."

**Sorry for the somewhat dull chapter. Next chapter: Destination: Earth (for real this time)**


	4. Destination: Earth!

* * *

"Padme, get the twins," Anakin said, "I think they'll want to see this."

Padme returned with Luke and Leia and peered out the viewport. Planet Earth hung in front of them, a marbled mix of blue water, green land, and white clouds.

"It really is a beautiful planet," remarked Padme.

Anakin nodded in agreement, then turned back to the controls.

"Get strapped in. I'm starting the landing sequence," said Anakin.

Anakin's superb piloting skills were almost put to the test with the complicated set of coordinates the travel brochure had explained. Everything had to be perfect, or else they risked being seen by an Earthling. Then they would have some explaining to do!

Finally, the ship landed in a small hanger bay in the middle of a dense forest. A facility existed to aide tourists in getting information about the planet and arranged transport to various cities. It wasn't very big, since the Earth tourist industry was small.

"Before we get off, we all need to wear the Earth clothes I got for us," Anakin said, handing out various bundles. Padme went to get Luke and Leia dressed, while Anakin struggled into his own clothes.

"Anakin, we look ridiculous!" Padme called, stepping into the room. Anakin was still struggling into his pants, which were skin-tight jeans. "Anakin, your pants are too small," Padme said.

"No, they aren't!" protested Anakin, falling over while cramming his leg into the jeans, "They're all the rage on Earth. Their called 'emo pants'!"

Anakin finally managed and stood up. He wore a black shirt and the skin-tight jeans.

"Those don't look very comfortable...," Padme commented.

"No, no. They're...great!" Anakin said with a grimace that he tried to disguise with a smile, "Oh, wait! One more thing..."

Anakin walked (or tried to) over to the mirror and combed a section of curly hair over his eye.

"Perfect!" he proclaimed.

"I'm not wearing this," Padme said firmly. Anakin looked at her. She wore a revealing miniskirt and tank top.

"But you _have _to!" he said, "It's what all the Earth women wear! Do you want to stick out?"

Padme just glared at him.

"And the children don't like their clothes, either!" Padme said.

"Its really hot in this, Daddy!" said Leia. She wore black pants with chains hanging off, a black shirt, a black jacket with pins stuck in it, and black lipstick and eyeliner.

"I'm sorry, Leia. All the girls go "Goth" these days!" Anakin said.

"You mean the girls who aren't dressed like this?" Padme asked.

"Uh...yeah," said Anakin.

Luke struggled in, bent nearly double by the weight of a huge medallion around his neck. He also wore his baggy jeans sagging to his knees and a long shirt. He wore a black bandana on his head.

"Perfect, Luke!" Anakin beamed, "You gotta love the--" Anakin grabbed his datapad off the desk and looked something up, "Bling-bling! That's the word! You gotta love the bling-bling!"

"But it's heavy!" said Luke.

"Come on, son. You're tough, right?"

Luke pouted and looked at Anakin with watery blue eyes. Except for his clothes, the little boy looked the polar opposite of "tough".

"You kids look great. Just like the holos! Now, how about we check out this little place they call Earth!" Anakin said.

They stepped off the ship.

* * *

**Now things will really get interesting!**


	5. The Car

**Did you think I forgot about you? I didn't, I was just taking a little time off! Summer time, ya know?**

The Skywalker family stepped off of their cruiser and made their way to a small building marked "Information". Two male humans in uniform sat behind a desk. One flipped through a magazine with a bored look on his face, and the other was dozing lightly.

"Can I help you?" the man asked, not looking up.

"Yes, we would like transport to an Earth city," Padme said.

The man looked up. He stared, then snickered, and elbowed the sleeping man.

"Hey, Frank. There are some very nice people I think you should get a look at!" said the man.

Frank opened his eyes. He stared, then snickered, and glanced at his partner.

"I see them, George."

Frank and George sat looking at the Skywalkers for a few moments.

"Why are we just standing here?" Leia asked finally.

"Oh. right," said Frank, activating his datapad, "You have some options of where you want to go. America's a pretty popular destination, and so is Europe. For your family, I would recommend a large city. There are some good cities in America. Nashville, St. Louis, New York City...Do you have any ideas of where you wanted to go?"

"I've done research," Padme said, "And St. Louis sounded like a very nice destination."

"St. Louis it is, then," said Frank, "We'll get a driver up here to take you. There are some underground holding facilities for your ship, in case of an emergency."

"Thank you," Anakin said.

In a few minutes, a woman dressed in Earth clothing came up, looked at the Skywalkers, and burst out laughing.

"Don't mind Andrea," said George.

"You know how women get," Frank muttered to Anakin, who nodded eagerly. Padme glared at him.

"Sorry," the woman apologized, "If you'll just follow me..."

"What is that thing?" Padme asked, frowning skeptically at the tiny vehicle Andrea was pointing at.

"It's called a car," Andrea explained, "It's how the Earthlings get around."

"Does it fly?" asked Anakin.

"No, drives along the ground on these wheels," said Andrea, pointing to the tires.

"Whatever you say," Anakin muttered, climbing in.

"I don't think I want to," Padme said.

"Come on, honey. We shouldn't be in here long!" Anakin said.

"Sir, we're in Texas," Andrea said.

"So?"

"So, its going to be a long ride."

**I know that was short and boring. Sorry. That was sort of a filler chapter. **


	6. The Adams Mark

**All right, this was originally going to be THE CAR PT II. But I decided that an entire chapter dedicated to a car ride would be, well, as boring as an actual car ride from Texas to St. Louis. Boring to read, and most definantly boring to write. So, I decided to skip ahead a little, and get to the good stuff! **

Anakin woke up as the car lurched to a halt. He yawned and opened his eyes, glancing out the window. All around were tall buildings, lots of cars, and lots of people.

"Are we there yet?" he asked feebly.

"Actually, yes," said Andrea, looking relieved. Anakin turned around to find the Padme and the twins asleep. He looked out the window again.

"Cardinals 2006 World Series Champions," Anakin read off one of the numerous signs posted along the road, "What's a Cardinal?"

"Its a bird," Andrea answered.

"Oh," said Anakin, "So these birds...are champions at something?"

"No, the Cardinals are a baseball team," Andrea said, uninterested.

"Baseball? What is that?"

"A sport. You throw the ball at a guy, who has a stick, and he hits the ball with the stick, then everyone runs around," Andrea said.

"And these birds play this sport?"

"No. They're humans. The cardinal is just their mascot."

"Oh."

Anakin shook his head. These Earth people sure had some strange customs.

"What's that arch-shaped thing?" Anakin asked, pointing.

"That's the Arch," Andrea replied.

"Oh," Anakin said, "Original name."

"All right. Here's your hotel," Andrea said, turning into the parking lot.

"The Adam's Mark?" Anakin asked, "Who's Adam, and what is his mark?"

Andrea ignored his question.

"All right. We're going to get you checked in. I'll be back for you in two weeks. We have a secret underground garage for your ship right outside St. Louis in case of an emergency. We're transporting your ship tonight," said Andrea.

"How will you get the ship here without anyone seeing?" Anakin asked.

"Sir, we're professionals. We have our ways," Andrea said.

Twenty minutes later, the Skywalkers were checking into the hotel, and had found their room, with the help of the bell-hop, and were exploring the room. Luke and Leia were wrestling on the bed. Anakin opened a cabinet.

"What's this?" Anakin asked, pointing to a black box with a screen. The bell-hop, whose name was Bob, stared at him.

"The TV? You don't know what a TV is?" Bob asked.

"We're not from around here," Padme hastily explained.

"Where exactly are you from if you don't know what a TV is?" Bob asked.

"Well, I'm from Tat-" Anakin began.

"Turkey! Anakin's from Turkey!" Padme interjected, glad she had researched the names of different countries on the planet.

Bob eyed him skeptically.

"You don't look Turkish to me," Bob said, "And besides, they have TVs in Turkey!"

"No they don't!"

"Whatever," said Bob, "I'm out of here."

**Yes, it was short. I'm sorry. I could have added more, but then it would just be longer for an update. And we couldn't have that, could we:) Oh, and I'm a huge Cardinal fan, so there will probably be a lot of references to the Cardinals. Maybe even a family trip to a Cardinals game?? **

**Oh, and I'm sort of running low on ideas, so if anyone has any, I would be happy for a suggestion!**


	7. The Metal Detector

The Skywalkers were up early the next morning to go to the Arch.

"So that's it?" Leia asked, looking a bit disappointed.

"Yes, that's the Arch," said Padme.

"That's nothin'!" said Luke, "I like all the things on Corascant better!"

"Yes, Luke, but for a primative planet like Earth, this is a big deal," Anakin explained.

Luke and Leia looked at each other and shrugged.

They went around to the entrance. There was a short line to get in. As Padme stepped through the doorway, an alarm blared.

"I'll need you to step over here," said a security guard, "Do you have anything that would make the metal detector go off?"

"Just my blast...uh, gun," said Padme.

"Ma'am, you are aware that weapons are not permitted in the Arch? I'm afraid you'll have to leave that here," said the security guard. Padme scowled and unholstered her blaster.

"Thank you, ma'am," said the guard.

"Hold on, I'm not done," Padme said with an annoyed look.

She proceeded to pull three more blasters from her belt, two smaller blasters from her leg holsters, a vibroblade from her shoe, two blasters from under her shirt, two more vibroblades from up her sleeves, and a tiny blaster from her hair. The guard stared, and motioned to the other guard, who's mouth dropped open when he saw the huge pile of guns on table.

"Are you done yet?" he asked.

"Not quite," said Padme. She pulled several more blasters out and set them on the table.

"You can never be too careful," Anakin said.

"Do you have any weapons, sir?" asked the bewildered security guard.

"No," said Anakin, "Well, only my lightsaber."

"Your _what?" _

"My lightsaber. The weapon of a Jedi," said Anakin.

"Whatever," groaned the guard, "Just put it on the table."

Anakin did so, and the security guard glanced at Luke and Leia.

"What about them?" he asked.

"Do I really look like the kind of guy who would give weapons to his children?" Anakin asked.

The guard just looked at him.

"All right, all right," Anakin grumbled, "Kids?"

Luke and Leia obediently set their mini-lightsabers on the table.

"May we go now?" Anakin asked.

"Wait, Daddy," said Luke.

"We have more," said Leia.

"More what?"

"Lightsabers!" they chorused joyfully. They proceeded to produce three more lightsabers.

"Is-is that Uncle Obi's?" Anakin asked.

"Yeeeees," said Luke.

"But remember, Daddy? He _isn't _our uncle!" said Leia.

"Is-is-is that...Master Windu's?" Anakin groaned.

"Yeeeeeees..."

"_Please _tell me that isn't...Master Yoda's?"

"Yeeeeees!"

"KIDS! They will be furious! At _me! _Then again..." Anakin said. His mind started drifting, imagining himself returning the lightsabers with a disappointed look, muttering to Obi-Wan about how the weapon was his _life, _never to lose it, shaking his head in shame at his former master...

"Hey, uh, we need to move the line along," said the security guard. Anakin snapped out of his daydream.

"Any more weapons?" asked the guard.

Anakin shook his head.

"Are you sure?"

Anakin nodded.

"All right, then. Proceed."

As soon as the Skywalkers were out of earshot, the security guard pulled out a walkie-talkie.

"Yeah, someone had better check out this family. There's something really odd about them. They had a lot of weapons, so we need someone to come and take a look at them."


End file.
